Corrine is weaker today. She hears what is going on around her, but is unable to participate. For her safety we put up the rails of her bed. In addition to keeping her from falling, the rails help her to turn over and re-adjust her position. For the first time, Corrine did not completely wake up for her bath, although she did participate in small ways like turning from side to side. She is more easily agitated and I have not been witness to her smile or laughter.
Today Corrines suffering feels pointless to me. It seems she is past being able to experience joy in this life. She is very confused and unable to reconcile what is going on around her verses what is happening inside her head. Corrine doesn't understand why she's still here, and neither do I.
I have felt God's comfort and strength, yet I question. What is to be gained by her pain? Is there some lesson we have failed to grasp? Who is responsible for her continued suffering? I know this is a fallen world... but it hurts so bad to be helpless, to be unable to 'do' anything for her. For my heartfelt prayers for Corrine to begin her life in heaven to be answered, "In MY perfect timing, not yours."
Last night, around 3am, Corrine begged me not to leave her. She pleaded "Help me!" with tears in her eyes.
"I'm doing everything I can" I told her as I gave her another does of medicine.
She repeated "Help me! It hurts."
So I held her hand and stroked her forehead. And I sat. And Prayed. Because there was nothing else I could do.
Now, I cry, and talk honestly with God. "What's the point?" I ask and hope someday, in my heart, I'll know the answer.
-Angela
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Our dear Angela and family,
ReplyDeleteOur thoughts, prayers, and tears are with you and Don and the family. We feel your pain but praise the Lord that he is with us all. Thank you for all you have done for your mom--God's blessings on you.
Your friends in Christ,
Nancy and Joe Fojtasek
Today, as I sat with Corrine we did have some beautiful moments. As I fed her ice chips, I dropped a chip on her neck. I commented,"Too bad that I'm not such good nursing help". She whispered "Wonderful help." Her sweet attitude still shines even in the very dark places of her journey to heaven. We are praying.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Eunice & all
Dear Corrine and Family,
ReplyDeleteThis was what appeared on my calendar "The Grace of Encouragement" this morning.
"When you accept the fact that sometimes seasons are dry and times are hard and that God is in control of both, you will discover a sense of divine refuge, because the hope then is in God and not in yourself. Stress Fractures, p. 222"
May you all be encouraged from God Almighty Himself. His timing is always right. He is never early or late.
Love,
Ruth