Sunday, January 11, 2009

Dreams

As you know if you read the previous post, I went to the National Western Stock show today to watch freestyle reining, which is like pairs figure skating for horses. The riders create an original routine set to music of their choice, with costumes to match. The personalities of the pairs really shine through. There were a few in particular where horse and rider were picturea of grace and unity... they demonstrated what I strive for with every ride. It was both inspirational and heart-wrenching.

When I was little, my mom used to take me to the stock show. She would walk down aisle after aisle of cows, chickens, and goats with me without complaint. Mom would wait as I stood in awe of the Budweiser Draft Horses with feet bigger than dinner plates and wait some more while I examined every stall to find my favorite horse. Once, Mom sat in those cold, hard seats until after midnight watching a horse jumping event. Best of all, when I told my mom that I would one day compete at the stock show, she didn't laugh.

Of course, as a supportive parent I suppose she did a lot of head-nodding and smiling. When I was a child, I said things like that along with things like "I'm going to be president of the United States." Although my political aspirations have not grown (I just wish them for others now), I never run out of dreams having to do with horses.

A few years ago, I got a new horse and began making long-standing dreams come true. I ride in trail competitions, which is like motorcross for horses, and had visions of learning reining.

Today I was dreaming again when I told her "Maybe it'll be me riding there someday." Mom responded confidently, "Yes. Maybe next year."

But there is no next year with her. I'll never take her on a carriage ride. She'll never see me compete again. I'll never be able to show her the horseman I've become.

I'm heart-broken, feeling like an abandoned child left on the door-step of a church. "What am I going to do with out my mom?"

So tonight, I pray that I will see all of the good that is coming from Mom's suffering and ultimate death. I pray for lost to be found. For Peace. For Unity. And for a better understanding of God's unending love. I pray that my mom's suffering, and my own, will make a difference in the lives of many and her legacy will last forever.

I pray that dreams will come true!

-Angela

3 comments:

  1. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with my Aunt Corrine because she lived so far away but she has a very special place in my heart. She is the one who bought me my very first store bought dress (mother always made our clothes). It had a blue pleated skirt, white bodice, a sailor collar with a blue tie. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She bought my cousin Tammy one just like it. there is a picture of Tammy and I by Grandmas grarage with us wearing the dresses. Aunt corrine said she had bougt it at Target but she pronounced it as if it were a fancy french store. we didn't have Targets in Texas yet. So I didn't know the difference. Growing up Aunt Corrine was the creative one. She once brought Christmas presents wrapped like the gift she wished she could afford to give. Uncle Jacks was wrapped as a TV with antenna and all. I don't remember what was inside the gifts, I just remember the wrappings. I also remember her laugh fills a room with Joy. When she was getting married to Paul we went to colorado for the wedding. I thought her apartment was the cooliest! I never had known anyone who lived in an apartment. It had a round fireplace in the living room. From that point on everytime I watched Mary Tyler Moore show I thought of my Aunt Corrine. I just knew she was just like my AuntCorrine, smiling all the time, a little cooky, and filled with spunk! Aunt corrine also was the one who took my brother and I believe Todd and maybe Tammy to my first movie theater. (I figured she must have been rich) We saw Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and sat on the front row of the Theater. I was amazed at how large that car was on the big screen when your feet don't even touch the ground and your on the front row. I too have heard the stories of how my mom spoiled Aunt corrine and I think actually treated her as a live doll. I'm saddened that aunt corrine is having to be in pain and I lift her up in my prayers daily. She will always be my really cool aunt. I'm an aunt now and I try to be the really cool aunt like my aunt corrine.
    Love to all, Michelle Freeman (Perleys daughter)

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  2. Good moring Corrine.
    About this time four years ago, you were in a car with Steve and I as we drove to the hospital for Camille's birth. I remember your willingness to walk with me for MILES the days prior to try to get labor moving. You were there in the room as she was born and came home with us to help care for her and cook up a storm. We looked at pictures this morning of the first time you held Camille as a little baby. I am grateful that you were there for that wonderful event - and have continued to be in the girls lives. They have many memories of you laughing, reading, playing, coloring and goofing of with them. I am just remembering the time you put their butterfly cage on your head and ran around the house as a bee keeper. Anna still copies that today.
    We love you,
    Susanna, Camille, Anna and Steve

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  3. hi corrine,
    i am jen, susanna's friend from chico. i have only met you a few times, but as i was reading susanna's last post just had to tell you that i look up to you and how you grand-parent. it reminds me to slow down and play with my girls more. that the dishes can be unloaded tomorrow and the laundry folded later. right now i have one dressed up as cinderella and the other is stuffing two dollies under her night-gown to pretend she is pregnant. oh the joys! last time i saw you in chico you were in the sand box with camille. not just watching her but playing with her. thank you for showing me how important those moments are.

    much love to you today,
    jen

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Please share anything that comes to mind. Any notes to Corrine are shared with her daily.