The Sunami of Grief

Grief is an interesting thing. It comes and it goes. It is unpredictable in its power and timing. It is sometimes overwhelming. Much like a sunami it comes at unexpected times and leaves an unforgetable wake.

It has now been nearly two months since the passing of my mother. It wasn't long after my return to California that I was buried once again in the business of life. Work had been neglected and needed attention. The girls were anxious to have their father at home. Friends had not been seen and Susanna and I longed for time together.

Strangely these past to months have been full of life. I feel at peace and am thankful to God for the mercy he showed my mother. He allowed my mother to finish well and we were afforded the luxury of spending intimate and significant time together in the last months of her life.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not have a thought of my mother. But tonight I am overcome with grief. There are significant decisions to be made in life and I am without a guide. I look at pictures and am reminded of those that were once here with me but are now with my mother in heaven. I am the lone patriarch left to discern the path that lays ahead.

Two thoughts come to mind. One goes back to Jesus. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. In sorrow and grief intimacy with God and others is found. This is our comfort.

The other is my never ending need for a parent. This is the hole that many speak of that can never be filled. I desire the unconditional love that only a parent can begin to offer. I desire to be cared for as I care for my own daughters (except with more patience and understanding of course). It is this desire that compels me to pursue God and his son Jesus.

God have mercy on me. Comfort me and show me the way. Please give me wise counsel and vision. I miss my parents. Thank you for not abandoning me. Amen