A memorial service for Corrine will be held on Monday, January 26th at 1 PM at Arvada Covenant Church (5555 Ward Road) in Arvada, Colorado. There will be dessert and coffee following the service. All are welcome to attend.
It was Corrine's wish to be buried in New Carlisle, Ohio next to Steve and Angela's father, Capt. Paul L. Hoke, USAF. A graveside tribute will be held on Wednesday, January 28th at 1 PM at the New Carlisle Cemetery (11545 Musselman Road) in Ohio.
We wrote a few days ago about Steve, Don, and Corrine's recent trip to Honduras with Agros International. It was Corrine's desire to do all that she could for the 24 families of Brisas Del Volcan. Before she died she asked that in lieu of flowers gifts be given to Agros International in her memory. You may give online via the website at http://www.agros.org/ or via mail using the following address:
Agros International
2225 4th Ave.
Second Floor
Seattle WA 98121
Please feel free to email the family at corrinesfamily@gmail.com with any questions or comments.
Onward and Upward!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Praise the Lord!
Corrine died peacefully early this morning with Angela at her side.
Arrangements are pending for her memorial sevice at Arvada Covenant Church in Colorado with graveside memorial service to follow in New Carlisle Ohio.
Corrine's desire, in lieu of flowers, was for donations to be made to Argos international. More details to follow soon.
Arrangements are pending for her memorial sevice at Arvada Covenant Church in Colorado with graveside memorial service to follow in New Carlisle Ohio.
Corrine's desire, in lieu of flowers, was for donations to be made to Argos international. More details to follow soon.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Near the End
Corrine is hard to recognize. She looks like everyone does when they are near the end: mouth open, eyes nearly shut, skin drawn tight across her bones. The only thing that distinguishes her from others is her crown of fine gray hair and her recognizable nose.
She is breathing with short, shallow breathes, mucus building in her lungs with no way to escape. Her pulse is over 110 bpm and blood pressure is low. Her skin is becoming mottled, which is a sign her body's energy is being preserved for her vital organs. There is no doubt, Corrine is near the end.
I am praying that death would come quickly. I wish it were just so Corrine's wouldn't have to endure any more pain, but it is more than that... I want to quit suffering too. It is hard to just 'be' with her, even though every moment is a gift. It is difficult to witness the decay of someone you love so deeply. It is hard to be able to do nothing at all.
The selfish truth is, I want Corrine's life to end so that we both can beginning living again. We both want to 'go home.' Her to heaven, and me... I just want to go home and ride, and remember, and forget. And feel the rain on my face instead of tears.
I've overcome my fear of my mom's death. Soon I have to face my fear of living without her.
-Angela
She is breathing with short, shallow breathes, mucus building in her lungs with no way to escape. Her pulse is over 110 bpm and blood pressure is low. Her skin is becoming mottled, which is a sign her body's energy is being preserved for her vital organs. There is no doubt, Corrine is near the end.
I am praying that death would come quickly. I wish it were just so Corrine's wouldn't have to endure any more pain, but it is more than that... I want to quit suffering too. It is hard to just 'be' with her, even though every moment is a gift. It is difficult to witness the decay of someone you love so deeply. It is hard to be able to do nothing at all.
The selfish truth is, I want Corrine's life to end so that we both can beginning living again. We both want to 'go home.' Her to heaven, and me... I just want to go home and ride, and remember, and forget. And feel the rain on my face instead of tears.
I've overcome my fear of my mom's death. Soon I have to face my fear of living without her.
-Angela
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Agros, Honduras, and Corrine
"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." I stumbled onto this passage (James 1:27) more than 13 years ago while studying abroad in Sri Lanka.
Most of you know that my mother has a very kind and empathetic heart. She does not struggle to care for others. It seems to come naturally for her. However, what many of you may not know about my mother is her large and growing heart for the rural poor in Honduras.
Don, my mother, and I recently visited Honduras together to encourage 24 families we have been walking with for the past 3 years as they work to lift themselves out of poverty. It was the highlight of my year to travel Mom and Don to see our friends in Honduras. It was the first time in many years that my mother "saw me in action" and the first time ever we had travelled together to a poor country. We learned a lot about each other's hearts during the trip, but I was especially taken by my mother during a visit to a local woman's home by the name of Ana Lucia.
The story of Ana Lucia is one that on one hand will break your heart, and on the other give you reason to believe in God. She is 29 years old and has been married for 15 years to a good man named Galo. They have 5 children and live in a home they purchased ~2 years ago. The path to their home is steep and slick with mud. The electricity has been hardwired, but is not yet hooked up. It has two rooms with only a sheet dividing them. The kitchen and bathroom are mostly outside. (Surprisingly, in spite of the obvious differences in quality of life, we both shared the common experience of home improvement projects!).While a guest in her home, Ana Lucia shared that she was left by her mother when she was only 2 years old. Her mother left her father for another man. Subsequent to this her father disowned her and decided he wanted nothing to do with her. It was not until ~10 years ago that he finally relented and acknowledged her. Ana Lucia was raised by her grandparents.
All of us shared stories of struggle, loss and abandonment that afternoon. Towards the end I was able to share that it gives me tremendous satisfaction and joy to know that my girls are growing up in a situation better than I did (you will recall my mother was widowed when I was 2). My mother was with me, both of us crying as I shared. At that moment my mom got up and walked over to Ana Lucia, gave her a hug, and told her how proud she was of her and that she loved her. Both of them were weeping, it was a beautiful and healing moment for both Ana Lucia and my mother. Ana Lucia was finally able to hear the words from a mother she had longed her entire life to hear.
Something magical happened in that moment. Relational healing. The spirit was there. Joy was found amidst sorrow. Ana Lucia knew she was loved and respected by this beautiful and caring woman from Colorado. This was a gift far greater than money. It was a gift that restored and healed the soul which gives further strength to endure and prosper.
My mother was deeply touched by the trip. She later told me that it changed her life and that she wanted to give more of her life to the poor in the years to come. You cannot turn a blind eye to the rest of the world once you see how the other 2/3 live, especially if you have friends there. You may have noticed the link at the right hand side of the blog. It is a link to Agros, the organization with which we partner. I thought you would want to know more about the journey my mother, Don and I have been on together these past few years. There is no doubt in our minds that the poor offer an unbelievable door to the heart of Jesus. This was a passion we shared together.
Steve
Silence
I have been silent the last few days and have not to written. I feel so conflicted... the decision to move Corrine was not an easy one for me. It felt like a defeat. It is hard because I feel I let her down, yet I am relieved. I want to be with her, yet I am thankful I no longer have to be. I feel I have evaded responsibility and failed as a daughter and as a friend.
That's the thing about feelings. So many can be felt at once, peace and chaos can walk hand in hand. Our feelings create the allusion of truth, but feelings are not always the best measuring system. I know we made the right decision. Corrine is getting the best possible care, and we were given freedom... Sometimes freedom is hard to handle.
I see how this time with Corrine has weaved us with others in unexpected and beautiful ways. But I also know, out of necessity, there are paths I walk alone. I've said it many times, I'm not only losing my mother, I'm losing my best friend. Everyone who loves Corrine is losing some one just a little different. She had so many names and played so many roles; mother, sister, aunt, teacher, mentor, and friend.
I'm trying to appreciate this silence within me... where I don't have to 'be' anyone... and no one is expecting anything. A silence that means acceptance with out needing understanding.
I wait alone, embraced by the love of others, listening to the strong quiet voice of God who says "Fear not..."
-Angela
That's the thing about feelings. So many can be felt at once, peace and chaos can walk hand in hand. Our feelings create the allusion of truth, but feelings are not always the best measuring system. I know we made the right decision. Corrine is getting the best possible care, and we were given freedom... Sometimes freedom is hard to handle.
I see how this time with Corrine has weaved us with others in unexpected and beautiful ways. But I also know, out of necessity, there are paths I walk alone. I've said it many times, I'm not only losing my mother, I'm losing my best friend. Everyone who loves Corrine is losing some one just a little different. She had so many names and played so many roles; mother, sister, aunt, teacher, mentor, and friend.
I'm trying to appreciate this silence within me... where I don't have to 'be' anyone... and no one is expecting anything. A silence that means acceptance with out needing understanding.
I wait alone, embraced by the love of others, listening to the strong quiet voice of God who says "Fear not..."
-Angela
Monday, January 19, 2009
Just "being" together
There have been no major developments to speak of today. Mother rested well for most of the day and she seems to have made the transition to life at the Collier Hospice Center. I am with her now and feel confident that pain seems to be under control and she is as comfortable as possible given the circumstances.
The moments of verbal communication are very few now. My most special interaction of the day with mom was when she was able to whisper goodnight to Susanna (my wife) over the phone. Other than that there has not been much. I can occasionally get a nod of the head or a faint smile, but these moments are becoming more rare.
It goes without saying that my relationship with mom has changed a great deal these past few weeks. Losing the ability to communicate with her has been extremely difficult. These past few days I have found myself working very hard to simply communicate (in any way) with my mother. She is not always able to respond with words. However, a squeeze of the hand or nod of the head can bring a tremendous amount of joy. A simple word becomes profound and special because of the effort that went into it. But truthfully, I long for more.
Although most communication is lost, I am learning that words and touch are not the only gateway to intimacy. God provides for our needs in other ways. The power of simply being together, for example, is making itself clear. I have found great comfort in just "being" together with mom. As I write she is in a bed not more than 5 feet from me. There is comfort in know that she is there. We don't have to talk, sing (thankfully) or touch. I just find joy and comfort in being together. I guess that is why we are here by her side. It is our hope that she is receiving as much comfort as we are through this process of being together.
The future is yet unknown, especially as it relates to the eminent loss of my mother, but I have a hunch that we will learn another secret to living life to the full in her death. Communication. Being. Togetherness. Relationship. Reconciliation. Mom's sickness has given new power to these words. All of them hint at living life more as God intended. Let's not forget the lessons lest this struggle be without purpose.
Until tomorrow...
Steve
The moments of verbal communication are very few now. My most special interaction of the day with mom was when she was able to whisper goodnight to Susanna (my wife) over the phone. Other than that there has not been much. I can occasionally get a nod of the head or a faint smile, but these moments are becoming more rare.
It goes without saying that my relationship with mom has changed a great deal these past few weeks. Losing the ability to communicate with her has been extremely difficult. These past few days I have found myself working very hard to simply communicate (in any way) with my mother. She is not always able to respond with words. However, a squeeze of the hand or nod of the head can bring a tremendous amount of joy. A simple word becomes profound and special because of the effort that went into it. But truthfully, I long for more.
Although most communication is lost, I am learning that words and touch are not the only gateway to intimacy. God provides for our needs in other ways. The power of simply being together, for example, is making itself clear. I have found great comfort in just "being" together with mom. As I write she is in a bed not more than 5 feet from me. There is comfort in know that she is there. We don't have to talk, sing (thankfully) or touch. I just find joy and comfort in being together. I guess that is why we are here by her side. It is our hope that she is receiving as much comfort as we are through this process of being together.
The future is yet unknown, especially as it relates to the eminent loss of my mother, but I have a hunch that we will learn another secret to living life to the full in her death. Communication. Being. Togetherness. Relationship. Reconciliation. Mom's sickness has given new power to these words. All of them hint at living life more as God intended. Let's not forget the lessons lest this struggle be without purpose.
Until tomorrow...
Steve
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Successful Transition
The facilities here at the Collier center are very comfortable, well designed, and pleasing to the eye. Thus far the staff has proven to be excellent. I think we are in good hands.
Steve
Steve
Moving Corrine to Collier Hospice
Corrine's body is going through tremendous amounts of change right now. She is struggling with dehydration in addition to the trauma the cancer has induced. As such, she is restless with few moments of lucidity. We, as her family, feel that it is time to move Corrine to the Collier Hospice Center in Wheat Ridge.
Don has shared on multiple occassions that caring for Corrine at home has been very special for him. He is incredibly thankful for the time she has had with us at home. It has not been without emotional pain, but the benefits have far outweighed the challenges for all involved. It has gotten to a point where mom is not really aware of where she is. I think it is less important about where she is and more important about who is with her during moments of awareness.
Mom appears to be free of pain for the time being. She will be transported by hospice around 2PM this afternoon. We currently plan to have family with her the bulk of the time while at the Collier Center and will keep all informed as we undertake the next part of the journey.
Steve
Don has shared on multiple occassions that caring for Corrine at home has been very special for him. He is incredibly thankful for the time she has had with us at home. It has not been without emotional pain, but the benefits have far outweighed the challenges for all involved. It has gotten to a point where mom is not really aware of where she is. I think it is less important about where she is and more important about who is with her during moments of awareness.
Mom appears to be free of pain for the time being. She will be transported by hospice around 2PM this afternoon. We currently plan to have family with her the bulk of the time while at the Collier Center and will keep all informed as we undertake the next part of the journey.
Steve
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