Just "being" together

There have been no major developments to speak of today. Mother rested well for most of the day and she seems to have made the transition to life at the Collier Hospice Center. I am with her now and feel confident that pain seems to be under control and she is as comfortable as possible given the circumstances.

The moments of verbal communication are very few now. My most special interaction of the day with mom was when she was able to whisper goodnight to Susanna (my wife) over the phone. Other than that there has not been much. I can occasionally get a nod of the head or a faint smile, but these moments are becoming more rare.

It goes without saying that my relationship with mom has changed a great deal these past few weeks. Losing the ability to communicate with her has been extremely difficult. These past few days I have found myself working very hard to simply communicate (in any way) with my mother. She is not always able to respond with words. However, a squeeze of the hand or nod of the head can bring a tremendous amount of joy. A simple word becomes profound and special because of the effort that went into it. But truthfully, I long for more.

Although most communication is lost, I am learning that words and touch are not the only gateway to intimacy. God provides for our needs in other ways. The power of simply being together, for example, is making itself clear. I have found great comfort in just "being" together with mom. As I write she is in a bed not more than 5 feet from me. There is comfort in know that she is there. We don't have to talk, sing (thankfully) or touch. I just find joy and comfort in being together. I guess that is why we are here by her side. It is our hope that she is receiving as much comfort as we are through this process of being together.

The future is yet unknown, especially as it relates to the eminent loss of my mother, but I have a hunch that we will learn another secret to living life to the full in her death. Communication. Being. Togetherness. Relationship. Reconciliation. Mom's sickness has given new power to these words. All of them hint at living life more as God intended. Let's not forget the lessons lest this struggle be without purpose.

Until tomorrow...

Steve